Monday, 7 May 2007

I've been inventing ;)

I was looking at my meter, which is soon to become my 'spare' when my new one arrives next week, and I was thinking... why are all these medical bits & pieces so boring? I thought it was time I came up with a fabulous new blood sugar meter. So here it is folks - place your orders now!

INTRODUCING... Fancy pants super meter!

Notice the big red button in the middle? That's to hide your result if people are looking over your shoulder (and they DO, don't they? grr). Press and hold to lock the buttons so friends, strangers and dribbling babies can't fiddle with the buttons and find those embarrassing results from last night's pig out!

The pager mode on the left is for when you need to get out of something. Imagine this: You're at a meeting, you're bored bored bored. Staring out the windows offers no entertainment, and what's this meeting about anyways? Do you really need to be here? Geez don't you wish someone would take you away from all this...?

Just push that pager button! The meter will make little vibrating ringing noises and a message will pop up on the screen urging you to ring Great Uncle Bob immediately. "Sorry Mr & Mrs whatsisface, I'd love to sit and talk about your constipation remedies, but I really must dash, this is important..." And off you trot. Tra-la-la.

Isn't that lovely. Your new meter is a complimentary meter, and will always start up with a positive message for you. There are hundreds of these welcome screens popping up on random, such as: "Hey I love what you've done with your hair!" And "I love it when you press my buttons!".

Have trouble seeing? NOT a problem. This meter comes with a range of voices that speak everything as you'd see it on the screen. Chose from:
  • Camp best friend (Darrrrrling! Mwah! Gosh you look FABULOUS today!)
  • Hot guy (Hmmm baby, love the way you push my buttons)
  • Hot gal (Hey baby, show me that lancet)
  • Cute kid (Are you gunna test your blood sugga? Can I help pwease?)
  • Grandma (That's right darling, it's time to test, Grandma will help)
  • and many more!

Don't we all have times where we expected a better BG result? No problem! Don't like what you see? Just press that 'perfect score' button for a pre-programmed perfect result (factory setting: 5.5). PERFECT for when your mother in law is being nosey!

Ever unsure what the date or time is? Just press that date/time button! Because there aren't enough clocks in the world with just your oven, microwave, video, dvd player, wall clock, watch, cellphone, etc, and we know you need just one more!

Without a doubt this is the best ever blood glucose measuring device - M said so! Order yours today!

May contain nuts. May not give accurate blood glucose readings. May get grumpy and want to sleep in some days. Comes in a range of colours as long as you want blue. NOT INTENDED FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. Please read the 5 volume manual before use. In case of meter failure, press the parachute button on the bottom left of the back panel with a pin. It wont help but at least you'll be busy looking for a pin and wondering what parachute mode does. This meter comes with a lifetime guarantee - guaranteed to survive for as long as it lives! Please treat it with the respect and care it deserves as it is known to have tantrums and stop talking to people.

1 comment:

Kerri. said...

LOL! I love this! (Particularly the disclaimer. :) )