Thursday, 9 April 2009

Feeling Judged

I turned up at my Aunts place the other day just as friends of hers were leaving. They'd had cakes for afternoon tea and left a lot behind, which were offered to my son & me. I said no thanks, and my Aunt said "She can't, she's diabetic". (cringe).
Everyone nods their heads in pity. Then she continues "But she eats sweet stuff anyway" in THAT tone of voice that says I'm doing something naughty. Everyone nods their heads and tut tuts and says things like "what a shame".

I want to scream and tell them it's ok. I want to make them all sit down and take a lecture on what being diabetic really is. I want to explain that I'm just working my pancreas manually and that I can eat what I like when I like, so long as I'm jabbing along with it & keeping a good eye on the numbers. But my mouth hangs open and nothing comes out as they leave the house none the wiser.


I've been looking after my Nana a bit lately, because her usual carer - my Aunt - is recovering from an operation. Today I was out doing Nana's groceries and ran into my old Diabetes Education Nurse. I couldn't help but notice that she looked into my trolley, and cringed a little. I didn't click 'til she walked away that I was there with a trolley full of the most un-diabetes-friendly goodies (white bread, chocolate cake, etc). I just wish I'd slipped into conversation that I was doing my Nana's shopping and that only the fruit & veg was mine!

Of course, it doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks.
*I* know I have great control for someone with a pooped-out pancreas.
*I* know that I wouldn't eat white bread but that I could if I wanted to. And I can eat chocolate and cake and whatever else, too.
*I* know that I'm careful, and haven't yet had any signs of complications, and that my A1cs are always in the low 6s...
But no matter how hard I try no one else will understand.

I'd really love someone to give me a pat on the back some day instead of a raised eyebrow and ignorant comments!