WDD - In my little finger

World diabetes day... here in New Zealand we're already 3 hours in. What will it mean to me here? Not a lot, other than the little bit of noise I'll make about it I probably wont see or hear anything else here. I will see a lot of action on the net though (You guys rock!).

Anyway, it's always my diabetes day. Diabetes is a part of me, in my head space, in the bruises on my injection sites, in my handbag, in my routine, even in my little finger. The hard part is sharing any of that with other people, and even harder is finding someone who understands or wants to understand.

But I think WDD is a good thing - as is any moment that concentrates on doing something good for diabetics. Whether it's some major thing today, or some tiny thing you do any day - if it educates even just a few people; helps someone get diagnosed; helps someone understand their diabetic partner; or encourages someone to search for a cure, all those things make a big difference.

It's the butterfly effect, baby :D

So today's a good day to speak up a little! Light a spark of interest in someone and see where it goes :)

Dear blogtastic blogerific blog-angels

Help!

I know I've been a blog snob - no posts for ages, almost a dead blog, blah blah.

Thing is, I have something going that I just don't understand. Maybe you can help?

I control my diabetes well, I have A1cs to be proud of - around the low 6s normally, without a single serious low or grossly crazy high, ever. (Serious = requiring hospital or anyone else's help). I mostly eat carefully but I allow myself whatever I want along with careful calculations and extra testing. This has always worked for me and led to pretty darned good control for someone with a crapped-out pancreas.

However... my last couple of A1cs have been higher; 6.7 and 6.6. No big deal, you might think, but it's a big difference when you consider than my 6.2 comes from sitting pretty between 3.5 and 8 90% of the time. My latest 6.6 comes from swinging randomly between 1 and 19. NOT nice.

Normally I can look at trends or think back on what I've done and see what's happening - right now I'm stumped. Nothing has changed to cause this weirdness. I have no lumps on my injection spots. I change my injection spots all the time and have a lot to choose from. I don't seem to need to change my Lantus dose (which I take evenly split at 12 hour intervals) - and if I did surely my BGs would either be high OR low, not a wild mix of both.

So people, what's going on? Cure me over the net, will ya?!

I suspect some sort of illness. In fact I was really sure I had thyroid problems - I can tick of just about every box in a list of symptoms (and my mother has hyperthyroidism just to add to my chances). However my TSH came back normal at 1.5. So I'm stuck with a fast heartbeat, endless thirst & hunger, crazy anxiety, insomnia, etc... and nothing to blame it all on.

I had an appointment with my endo today that wasn't exactly satisfying but I'm going back in a while, at which point I get to borrow a CGMS for a week, that almost makes it all worthwhile! I've said for years I'd almost be willing to kill for a CGMS ;) Such a tease to only get a week with it but at least I get to play :) Lets hope it can show me something I've missed.

Feeling Judged

I turned up at my Aunts place the other day just as friends of hers were leaving. They'd had cakes for afternoon tea and left a lot behind, which were offered to my son & me. I said no thanks, and my Aunt said "She can't, she's diabetic". (cringe).
Everyone nods their heads in pity. Then she continues "But she eats sweet stuff anyway" in THAT tone of voice that says I'm doing something naughty. Everyone nods their heads and tut tuts and says things like "what a shame".

I want to scream and tell them it's ok. I want to make them all sit down and take a lecture on what being diabetic really is. I want to explain that I'm just working my pancreas manually and that I can eat what I like when I like, so long as I'm jabbing along with it & keeping a good eye on the numbers. But my mouth hangs open and nothing comes out as they leave the house none the wiser.

Hurumph.

I've been looking after my Nana a bit lately, because her usual carer - my Aunt - is recovering from an operation. Today I was out doing Nana's groceries and ran into my old Diabetes Education Nurse. I couldn't help but notice that she looked into my trolley, and cringed a little. I didn't click 'til she walked away that I was there with a trolley full of the most un-diabetes-friendly goodies (white bread, chocolate cake, etc). I just wish I'd slipped into conversation that I was doing my Nana's shopping and that only the fruit & veg was mine!

Of course, it doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks.
*I* know I have great control for someone with a pooped-out pancreas.
*I* know that I wouldn't eat white bread but that I could if I wanted to. And I can eat chocolate and cake and whatever else, too.
*I* know that I'm careful, and haven't yet had any signs of complications, and that my A1cs are always in the low 6s...
But no matter how hard I try no one else will understand.

I'd really love someone to give me a pat on the back some day instead of a raised eyebrow and ignorant comments!

Dreaming of a CGMS

Here in little old New Zealand a diabetic with a CGMS is a very rare thing. The few that are in the country were very expensive (with no funding at all from anywhere). But here I am, as a New Zealander with her finger on the pulse of the rest of the diabetic world, hearing about the every day use of CGMS as if it's perfectly normal and not a rare foreign thing!

I dream of having a CGMS. People around me want a new house, a Wii, a new car... and I really would be happy with a bloomin' CGMS!

I do ok without one, I test a lot, jab a lot, try to keep things on the level, but wow, wouldn't a CGMS be SO much easier?

So I'm saving up. This will take ages and be hard work but I *neeeeed* that thing so bad! I've even printed a picture out to put on my wall to help keep me motivated. This is one dream that I will make a reality... somehow!