WDD - In my little finger

World diabetes day... here in New Zealand we're already 3 hours in. What will it mean to me here? Not a lot, other than the little bit of noise I'll make about it I probably wont see or hear anything else here. I will see a lot of action on the net though (You guys rock!).

Anyway, it's always my diabetes day. Diabetes is a part of me, in my head space, in the bruises on my injection sites, in my handbag, in my routine, even in my little finger. The hard part is sharing any of that with other people, and even harder is finding someone who understands or wants to understand.

But I think WDD is a good thing - as is any moment that concentrates on doing something good for diabetics. Whether it's some major thing today, or some tiny thing you do any day - if it educates even just a few people; helps someone get diagnosed; helps someone understand their diabetic partner; or encourages someone to search for a cure, all those things make a big difference.

It's the butterfly effect, baby :D

So today's a good day to speak up a little! Light a spark of interest in someone and see where it goes :)

Dear blogtastic blogerific blog-angels

Help!

I know I've been a blog snob - no posts for ages, almost a dead blog, blah blah.

Thing is, I have something going that I just don't understand. Maybe you can help?

I control my diabetes well, I have A1cs to be proud of - around the low 6s normally, without a single serious low or grossly crazy high, ever. (Serious = requiring hospital or anyone else's help). I mostly eat carefully but I allow myself whatever I want along with careful calculations and extra testing. This has always worked for me and led to pretty darned good control for someone with a crapped-out pancreas.

However... my last couple of A1cs have been higher; 6.7 and 6.6. No big deal, you might think, but it's a big difference when you consider than my 6.2 comes from sitting pretty between 3.5 and 8 90% of the time. My latest 6.6 comes from swinging randomly between 1 and 19. NOT nice.

Normally I can look at trends or think back on what I've done and see what's happening - right now I'm stumped. Nothing has changed to cause this weirdness. I have no lumps on my injection spots. I change my injection spots all the time and have a lot to choose from. I don't seem to need to change my Lantus dose (which I take evenly split at 12 hour intervals) - and if I did surely my BGs would either be high OR low, not a wild mix of both.

So people, what's going on? Cure me over the net, will ya?!

I suspect some sort of illness. In fact I was really sure I had thyroid problems - I can tick of just about every box in a list of symptoms (and my mother has hyperthyroidism just to add to my chances). However my TSH came back normal at 1.5. So I'm stuck with a fast heartbeat, endless thirst & hunger, crazy anxiety, insomnia, etc... and nothing to blame it all on.

I had an appointment with my endo today that wasn't exactly satisfying but I'm going back in a while, at which point I get to borrow a CGMS for a week, that almost makes it all worthwhile! I've said for years I'd almost be willing to kill for a CGMS ;) Such a tease to only get a week with it but at least I get to play :) Lets hope it can show me something I've missed.

Feeling Judged

I turned up at my Aunts place the other day just as friends of hers were leaving. They'd had cakes for afternoon tea and left a lot behind, which were offered to my son & me. I said no thanks, and my Aunt said "She can't, she's diabetic". (cringe).
Everyone nods their heads in pity. Then she continues "But she eats sweet stuff anyway" in THAT tone of voice that says I'm doing something naughty. Everyone nods their heads and tut tuts and says things like "what a shame".

I want to scream and tell them it's ok. I want to make them all sit down and take a lecture on what being diabetic really is. I want to explain that I'm just working my pancreas manually and that I can eat what I like when I like, so long as I'm jabbing along with it & keeping a good eye on the numbers. But my mouth hangs open and nothing comes out as they leave the house none the wiser.

Hurumph.

I've been looking after my Nana a bit lately, because her usual carer - my Aunt - is recovering from an operation. Today I was out doing Nana's groceries and ran into my old Diabetes Education Nurse. I couldn't help but notice that she looked into my trolley, and cringed a little. I didn't click 'til she walked away that I was there with a trolley full of the most un-diabetes-friendly goodies (white bread, chocolate cake, etc). I just wish I'd slipped into conversation that I was doing my Nana's shopping and that only the fruit & veg was mine!

Of course, it doesn't matter at all what anyone else thinks.
*I* know I have great control for someone with a pooped-out pancreas.
*I* know that I wouldn't eat white bread but that I could if I wanted to. And I can eat chocolate and cake and whatever else, too.
*I* know that I'm careful, and haven't yet had any signs of complications, and that my A1cs are always in the low 6s...
But no matter how hard I try no one else will understand.

I'd really love someone to give me a pat on the back some day instead of a raised eyebrow and ignorant comments!

Dreaming of a CGMS

Here in little old New Zealand a diabetic with a CGMS is a very rare thing. The few that are in the country were very expensive (with no funding at all from anywhere). But here I am, as a New Zealander with her finger on the pulse of the rest of the diabetic world, hearing about the every day use of CGMS as if it's perfectly normal and not a rare foreign thing!

I dream of having a CGMS. People around me want a new house, a Wii, a new car... and I really would be happy with a bloomin' CGMS!

I do ok without one, I test a lot, jab a lot, try to keep things on the level, but wow, wouldn't a CGMS be SO much easier?

So I'm saving up. This will take ages and be hard work but I *neeeeed* that thing so bad! I've even printed a picture out to put on my wall to help keep me motivated. This is one dream that I will make a reality... somehow!

Yippee Skippeeeeee

I've...

Lost...

(my mind... and...)
3 kilos!


Ahhhhh it feels good to finally be on the right track :)

It's amazing what a little concentration on the D control can do. Everything else falls into place. Well, almost everything else... but I feel healthier already. Here's to the next 3kg!

Holy *bleeep*

If I ever needed proof that blood sugars rocket with stress, I've certainly had it tonight!
I've just seen the very worst BG result ever in my days as a diagnosed diabetic. I vaguely recall hitting numbers like this many years back when I was just starting out, but ever since then? Not a chance.
*gasp*

Y'see... someone from my past wandered back into my life today. It wasn't at all horrible, we just chatted but I knew I was a bit stressed. And yeh I even thought it would knock my blood sugars up a bit but I took a lot of extra insulin to compensate. I didn't test, I was doing one of those stupid stupid things... too scared to see the result, so I planned to test later just in case I overdid the correction. (Why oh why do I do that? It's never sensible in hindsight!)

That was a really really bad idea. I wish I was testing every hour tonight so I could have stayed on top of this.

You should have seen the look on my face when I read the meter. And then when I retested and it said almost exactly the same thing. I couldn't believe it. I could have slapped my meter when it suggested I should test for ketones. I've *never* seen that before.

Ok.. shocking... thankfully it will all be over in a couple of hours and I remember tonight as a lesson in testing regularly!

I think it's ok for me to avoid looking at my 7, 14 and 30 day averages for a while though... boy are they going to be out of whack!

I think I'm slightly in shock after that reading. Woah!

Filling in the gaps

Wow, it's been a long time.
I still think of things to write, yet somehow I never quite get around to writing them. Instead I'm actually spending much less time on the computer and getting out in the fresh air. I have a veggie garden I'm very proud of. Probably losing some of the flat-ness in my butt too ;)

I'm kicking off with a meme here, not entirely exciting huh! But at least I'm saying *something*... and hopefully it wont take me so long to say something else!

The one word meme:

1. Where is your cell phone? Porch
2. Your significant other? None
3. Your Hair? Uneven
4. Your Skin? Tanning
5. Your mother? Wonderful
6. Your favourite thing? Garden
7. Your dream last night? *shrug*
8. Your favourite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Sustainable
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your ex? Friend
12. Your fear? Ignorance
13.Where do you want to be in 6 years? Here
14.Where were you last night? Sister's
15.What you're not? Stupid
16.Muffins? Chocolate
17.One of your wish list items? CGMS
18.Where you grew up? Wellington
19.The last thing you did? DVD
20.What are you wearing? Jeans
21.Your TV? Off
22.Your pets? Lots
23. Your computer? Good
24. Your life? Sweeeeeet
25. Your mood? Happy
26. Missing someone? No
27. Your car? Reliable
28. Something you're not wearing? Shoes
29. Favourite Store? Market
30. Your summer? Beach!
31. Like someone? No
32. Your favourite color? lots
33. When is the last time you laughed? Afternoon
34. Last time you cried? History
35. Who will respond to this? *shrug*
36. Who's Answers are you anxious to see? Seen!

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

:)

The kitties, 7 months on

For those of you who have been following the kittens life story from birth til now... it's time for an update.

They had heaps of fun today in the garden. It's the first time they've ever seen the soaker hose going, and they thought it was great fun. I thought cats weren't meant to like water!

Check out Pumpkin's ambush and Taco & Noodle's kisses to the camera.

The spring buzz

The sun is out... the air is warm... the garden is going mad!
It's the last day of winter. Bring on Spring!

Spring bulbs... gorgeous :)


Baby broccoli.
Baby Spaghetti Squash. I didn't even know we could get them in New Zealand until I found the seeds.
Veggie garden number one is growing strong. Number two is still mostly bare dirt.

The spring buzz gets me big time. I love the long days, the sunshine on my skin, and the beautiful plants in the garden.

Not to mention losing my extra few kilos of winter weight, getting out for walks on the beach, and being surrounded by other people with the spring buzz! This is a fannnnntastic time of year :)

It's all gone wonky!

It's late evening, I'm checking my blood sugar knowing it's a little high... only to find it's a LOT high, 15.2mmol (270). I just don't see numbers like this any more *gasp*.

It's the middle of the night. I'm feeling ok but a little hungry and desperate for the loo. I always test if I wake up during the night - just as well: 1.4mmol (25)! Yikes. I just don't see numbers that low.. ever! Argh!

It's morning. I'm stuffed, that low really broke my sleep and took away all my energy for today. I suspect I'll be a little high, probably overdid the munchies to correct that low. Testing... Argh! not THAT high, surely! *scream*

It's mid afternoon. Knowing I'm still just a little high I decide to mow lawns to work some of it off. I'm feeling a little odd. Better pop inside and test the blood sugar while I have a little break. Holy crap, not THAT low... 1.8... ok, that's my day totally pooped. This roller coaster stuff really takes it out of me *sigh*

My numbers are normally pretty good. I aim to stay between 4 and 7 most of the day - naturally it fluctuates (I mean, duh, this is diabetes...) but I do quite well. I only manage diabetes so well because I test lots and because I am motivated to work with the results. It's the only way for me to feel I have control enough to live a normal life. It works - I've never once conked out, never had any real diabetes related trouble of any kind.

But now.. ouch. Today's lows were scary. The scariest part being that I was still acting and feeling pretty normal. But I was so worn out from it that I slept most of the afternoon and had to cancel my plans.

What's happened? ME, that's what. I've been testing less, I've been eating more crap, I've been guessing my doses and my numbers. In a nutshell: avoiding diabetes.

I do believe I've been taught an important lesson here! Back to testing lots, that's what works for me. I never intended to slip out of it, it just faded slowly, but trust me there'll be nothing slow about getting my control back!

*kicks own butt*

So, how DO you confuse an idiot?

I apologise in advance for any confusion!!
But I just *had* to post it!

You DORK!!

Just the other day I was talking about taking insulin for granted.
Even then, while I was raving about the wonders of my life-juice and nattering about how we shouldn't take it for granted... I was being a total dork and taking it for granted.

Last week I got a new script. I took my time with it, but finally took it to the chemist on Monday, and told him I'd come back to pick it up on Wednesday. I always have to give him a day or two warning because he never has my stuff in stock (that's another story!).

So Tuesday night rolls around and I feel like supper. I reach for my insulin... 0 units left. Not even one, not even half - zero units left.

How's that for cutting it fine? No supper for me (I'd just BAKED for gawd's sake). NO breakfast this morning until I'd gone all sleepy-eyed down to the chemist either. I don't think I've ever shown my face at the shops in such a mess before - my hair was grotty, my clothes were thrown together, my eyes were barely open... but I stood there with my hand out begging for my Novorapid and then slunk out pretty quick to go home and have a piece of toast.

I do count myself lucky that I had just the right amount for dinner last night and that I managed the night without needing a correction. But man oh man am I kicking myself for not getting my prescription earlier! I *always* have spares in the fridge. I *always* get my prescription well before I need it - now it seems Insulin and I have reached that point in our relationship where we take each other for granted. Doh.

I shall now return to my old ways of keeping one step ahead and treating my insulin as the liquid gold that it is!

Mental note: take your own advice, dork. DUH.

Revenge of the Killer Carbs... they're out to get you!

I think it's pretty well known by now that the more carbs we eat the more we want to eat. There is an addictive quality to those evil (nice!) horrible (yummy!) carbs (bastards!). I'd always thought this was an insulin reaction (in everyone, not just diabetics) but apparently there's more to it.

Dr Zane Andrews of Monash University (Australia) says "The more carbs and sugars you eat, the more your appetite-control cells are damaged, and potentially you consume more"

Don't ask me why he says Carbs and sugars when sugars are carbs...

But the article is well worth a read. Check it out here.
Your food is watching you! (image from evil mad scientist with instructions for making your own edible googly eyes - coool!)

Getting all gooey

Diabetes has always come with a little emotion. From "Omg, me? Diabetes? Really?" to "Yeh whatever, get over it, life goes on"... then "eek I'm low" and "eeeeek I'm high" and "I just don't want to think about diabetes today!" etc.

But other than those typical emotional moments, I'm pretty flat really. New insulins? Whatever. Another possible cure reported? Yeh, whatever - spare me the tease.

One thing that keeps popping up for me though, is the mention of Banting & Best themselves. Oh boy do I feel a little emotion when I think about these two fabulous men who discovered my life juice!

Diabetes is just something I have - life goes on. I deal with it just fine. I have my moments, of course! But mostly it's no biggie. But what if Insulin was never discovered? I'd be gone by now. I'd have left my son behind, and my friends & family. I'd have spent a short time a bit ill, then very ill, then in a coma, then dead.

Dismal, yes but it just reminds me that I take my insulin for granted. I think it's good that I manage to shelve diabetes and carry on with my life - but I can't forget to appreciate my life, and remember the brilliance that is Insulin.

I'm SO lucky to be experiencing my life, seeing the things I see and doing the things I do. Sometimes just making a cup of tea is a miracle!

This is the web site that brought on my feelings tonight: The Banting Homestead Some day, when I have the time and the cash, I'm going to visit this place and kiss the ground!

The world is just awesome

Isn't the world a fantastic place?

Love the sing-a-long feel to that ad :) Maybe everyone in America has already seen this, but it's new to me.

New Zealand's ads are not so nice & fluffy... more like this:



Anyway, it IS an awesome world we live in, and I'm learning to appreciate it and look after it more. I've always been pretty careful with things like recycling but I'm moving on a step from here. I've given up using shampoo & conditioner (replaced with a Baking soda wash and an Apple Cider Vinegar rinse). I'm recycling more than ever before. I'm composting big time, and I've started a vegetable garden so we can have some real fresh spray-free home grown veggies (YUM).

I'm learning about solar cooking (why did I never think of that before?) and about edible wild plants. I'm saving electricity and learning new ways to do things manually. And loving every moment!

So that's it folks - it seems I've gone hippy on you!

Bugger?!

Every-bloomin'-time!

Yes folks.. a1c time is coming.

And up until last week I had *fannnnntastic* control. I was soooo heading for that a1c in the 5s. Proud as punch, was I, knowing I had a great hold on things.

But we know diabetes much better than that, don't we...

Last week things went belly up. Lows here & there, highs there & here. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll still have a decent result, but I know that the last few weeks have the strongest influence on the a1c so I wont hold my breath.

Now, really, does it matter? *I* know that I have had great control. *I* Know that this is just a small hormonal hiccup thanks to early menopause, and a little to do with being inactive (it's winter after all - and the weather really stinks), and a little to do with the fact that I've had my favourite chocolates to much on... and they're hard to stop munching *blush*. I know that it'll all settle down in a few days. I know I can get control again and make it all better.

But I'll still be a little bummed if 2 and a half months of great control is wiped out with a week & a bit of crappy control.

I can't even do the usual trick of delaying the blood test (shhh!) - I have to have it done next week without fail because the results are needed for an appointment with my Endo and yet another appointment with my doctor. But that's ok...

It's all OK, it's just a pain in the butt!

I've been trying to get a result in the 5.5 - 5.9 range for what seems like forever (in reality it's about a year or a bit longer). This was gunna be it!

Crossed fingers, maybe I can get back into this smooth sailing thing again, perhaps it's just time for a little adjustment. Either way, I know it's no biggie - I'm already doing quite well in the low 6s, but boy would it be great to see a 5. *sigh*

And wouldn't it be nice if just for once my numbers didn't go mad for the few weeks just before an a1c test? It's a conspiracy, I tell ya!

UPDATE: The results are in - and even with the crappy numbers over the last few weeks I managed a 6.3. Sweet - though I still have a plan to reach the high 5s without hassle - without extra lows. In other words, tight-as control! I have the knowledge, I have the ability, but I also have carb cravings lol. (Pass the chocolate will ya?)

Little meows and BIG meows =^..^=

Little meows:
Our little (HAH!) cat family has grown. The kitties' dad now lives with us full time.
He's been visiting for a very long time, and I always wondered if he had a home - he seemed to be outside all day every and didn't look like he was fed regularly.

A couple of days ago the poor lad was hurt, it looked like he had a broken leg so we took him to the vet. Thankfully it wasn't broken, but he needs some rest and some pills for a few days. The vet thinks he's homeless and needs to stay with us, so that was all the arm twisting I needed!


Even if it does mean we now have 7 cats. *gasp*

The mad cat lady strikes again.

Here are 5 of them soaking up some sun on my bed (you even get to hear my kiwi accent on this one, I forgot to mute it!):


Big meows:
You may need to have tissues in reach when you watch this...


*sniffle* is that fantastic or what?!
.

A visit to my future

I've been thinking lately about how I've changed. Where I was 5 or ten years ago, where I am now... and where I'll be in another 5 or 10 years.

Tonight I stumbled upon an old post of mine on Tudiabetes, where I said:

Ever heard of an older diabetic with complications saying they wished they'd look after themselves better? I've seen that a lot. I'd like to be the one that says 'I'm glad I looked after myself' while I'm sitting out on my rocking chair, enjoying the sun on my feet, on my 99th birthday.

I never once heard a diabetic say "I wish I let it all go and didn't worry about complications, carbs are better than keeping my feet/kidneys/eyes"

I'd love to think that I will be sitting out in the sun on my 99th birthday, having done a good job of looking after myself, and surviving with all my body intact. I'm still in one piece so far. Only another 66 years to go! I'll report back then!

What I'm wondering now is, what kind of life will there be in 66 years?
In 10 years, even?
What's happening with the price of gas, and the gas putting up the price of food and other things?
How is this going to affect our futures?
Will we, as diabetics, be damaged by all this?

In these circles (diabetes blogs & forums that I follow) I haven't seen any mention of what's happening to the world at the moment, and what's going to happen. The whole Peak Oil thing. Are you familiar with the idea? Putting it simply in my own words: We all need to re-learn those old-fashioned ideas - become more self sufficient, grow our own vegetables, learn a survival craft and live off goods from our own communities, etc, because the lack of available oil and the sheer price of what we have left is going to make even the basics hard to afford, if we can get them at all.

It's depressing, really, but it seems to be a plain fact. Unless someone comes up with a really great replacement for oil - one that not only can run vehicles of all shapes & sizes but can also be used in all the other ways oil & petroleum are used, then we're a fair bit stuffed.

Who'd have known we rely on oil for so much in our every day lives? I didn't. What I don't know is how this will effect me as a diabetic. Will my insulin double in price since it has to travel from another country? Same with my test strips / meter / glucagon / pens & needles? I might be safe from this regardless, seeing as the government pay for my medical supplies (ah, how I love New Zealand). But I may not be.

What if the world went truly belly-up? What if I couldn't get insulin at all? What if only the strong will survive? I'd be pooped. However, this is extreme thinking and I don't believe this is going to happen - it's just a paranoid thought. I'd be one of the fastest to fall off the planet if it ever came down to survival of the fittest.

So I'm putting this out there and wondering what you all think. Are you aware of 'Peak Oil'? Where do you see yourself in 5 years - and have you considered the lack of gas, the price of gas, the availability of all things that aren't made locally, and the outrageous prices we might see in anything that needs to travel to get to you? Do you worry about the availability of your insulin and other things necessary to our survival?

I don't plan to spend the rest of my days worrying, (hell no - live for today!) but I do think it's worthwhile considering options and perhaps stocking up a little, just in case. If I'm prepared, then I have little to fret over.

Then again, knowing me (Procrastination is my middle name) I wont do much about this until it's a little too late.
*sigh*

nom nom nom

If I ever get a pump
...which is really very unlikely...
I shall name it:
COOKIE MONSTER.
And it will certainly help me eat lots of cookies :D

Seems to me one of the hardest things about getting a pump is finding a good name! So I'm half way there.
Now to come up with many thousands of dollars to actually buy the thing.
Hmmmph.